I should have known

I broke the promise.

I pulled out some porn and masturbated to orgasm tonight. I was a little mad at her, but not THAT mad. I'm not even sure, now, why I did it... I'm ashamed of myself.

I wish there were another adult in this family.

Heck, I wish there was ONE adult in this family.

It was a stupid promise to make in the first place. It was manipulative. I hoped that if I told her it was hers alone, that she'd value it more. Not likely.

::sigh::

I hate my life.

And the rollercoaster swings yet again...

It's always when things look darkest that the best things happen.

No, my wife and I didn't have eight hours of sexual bliss, but I DID find someone on the net whose wisdom strikes very, very close to what I need right now.

Her name is Ann Regentin, and her site is over here. Specifically, what drew me is this article about how she wishes men would relate to her and her disability.

I am going to be paying a great deal of attention to this woman in the future.

My promise

I talked with her a bit, tonight, about a promise I made a few days ago, that I would not have orgasms unless it was with her.

She thought it was kind of silly, impossible to fulfill given that her equipment doesn't work right.

I said that having an orgasm WITH her wasn't the same as having one IN her and she understood better.

I told her that it wouldn't be fair for her to ask it of me, but she wasn't; it's an offering I'm making to her. And she accepted it, and appreciated what it meant to me, to offer it.