Sunday, August 30, 2009

"On Dry Spells" by Audacia Ray

First, go read this post by Audacia Ray.



Just because I'm not having sex with my wife doesn't mean I'm not having sex.

It doesn't mean I'm "missing out". It doesn't mean our relationship is damaged or weak or wrong. It just means we're not having sex.

And that's all.

Now that's not to say that not having sex with my wife is a good thing. It still hurts and it still feels like there's something between us. But "fixing" that wouldn't magically make everything else into puppies and sunshine.

Through my writing and reading, and the masturbation sessions they inspire, I have sex.

I have a sex life.

Learning this has been an incredible revelation. I relief, really.

Thank you, Audacia Ray.

Monday, March 16, 2009


Finally got back to the therapist on saturday. There are things I just can't say without Kathy there to mediate, and it got a bit rocky there.

I was hard on her. She's been doing things to improve her health and preparation for a physical relationship, and told me about them, and I ignored them. I should have recognized their value.

At the same time, you can't spend all the time in preparation. Even if there are things she needs to do be ready for the kind of sex she wants to have, we shouldn't be sleeping in different beds (she's on the couch 19 nights out of 20 these days) and having no physical contact at all. Which is how things are, and it sucks.

We agreed, at the therapist, to have some kind of contact yesterday, Sunday. She spent the day in bed, and I felt like a rat reminding her of what she had agreed to. I don't like nagging about this. I don't like always always always being the one to start these conversations.

We've got another appointment next month. I'm feeling quite discouraged.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Still on hold.

We had to cancel our appointment, because Dee had a migraine.

I try not to blame her for them. They're not her fault, per se. She gets stressed, and migrainy, and can't go out.

It happened today when the plumbers were scheduled to come fix our master bath. She didn't want to be alone in the house with them, she got stressed out about it, that triggered a migraine, and I stayed home with her. Problem solved. She slept through the day with the migraine (which is how I'm sure she's not faking) and now she's feeling a bit better.

Once we get back on a regular schedule with the therapist she won't have this reaction.