Saturday, June 24, 2006

Well, she went

She went to the folk gathering. Brought the chili. Came back with empty containers. At least the effort wasn't wasted.

I'm still kind of pissed though.

This is one of those nights


"Oh, by the way... I need you to take that hamburger out and boil it for chili. I promised the folk festival that I'd make chili."

"The hamburger is gone. We got three meals out of it this week."

"Oh... then I need you to go to the store."

Fine. So I go to the store. I buy hamburger, and chili powder, and a few other ingredients that she neglected to mention the other two times I went to the store today.

I boil the beef, and start putting the ingredients in the crock pot to cook overnight. She keeps calling over with completely INSANE instructions. Like putting a whole container of chili powder in, and NOT using the beef I just boiled. So I finally just ignore her and put the damn chili together.

And now? "Maybe I shouldn't go."

"You damn well ARE going, after all this!"

Fuck, I hate this disease.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Went to see the shrink today

So we went to see the shrink today. I brought up the crazy IM conversation, and she apologized, but I still don't understand what is going through her head.

She does seem to be committed to getting sexual again, and has started taking an estradiol (estrogen-related hormone) vaginally in order to get ready for the honeymoon weekend.

Friday, June 16, 2006

IM conversation

Okay, so here's a conversation we had over IM today, while I was at work.
Be sure to read the second page
me: Well shit
I've been trying to tell you that for years
*HER*: I keep telling you, if the actual act wasn't p ainful I'd be after you a lot more
me: What actual act?
*HER*: that's the appointment tomorrow, btw.
no, intercourse. It's been very painful for several years.
me: I'm not that kind of guy, babe
12:53 PM I don't have to stick it in to have sex
*HER*: I know, but I feel bad... and then I get feeling worse, and there goes the libido.
me: Okay
*HER*: I'm working on it, okay?
me: So what you're saying is that you think I'd rather have no sex at all, than be told I can't have intercourse with you, after doing other stuff?
12:54 PM *HER*: This IS NOT rational.
My apologies.
me: No, it's not.
12:55 PM *HER*: this is MY reaction, not yours, and it doesn't have anything to do with my feelings for you. It's my feelings about myself.
me: That may be but it sure as hell has an impact on me
12:56 PM All this time I thought it was because you just weren't interested because of the drugs and the pain.
*HER*: I also feel in such pain a lot of the time that even if it didn't hurt I wasn't interested, so that's true
12:57 PM me: So wait
*HER*: Both things are true
me: "I keep telling you, if the actual act wasn't painful I'd be after you a lot more " <<< style="font-style: italic;">(note: The psychiatrist)
*HER*: Maybe
1:07 PM depends on the kids, really.
1:09 PM We have a lot of work to do with them, and it's important, too
5 minutes
1:15 PM *HER*: Maybe more important day to day.
me: Whether or not you're having a migraine has a big impact on the kids welfare.
1:16 PM *HER*: It does
me: Whether or not we're having sex has an impact on whether you're migraining
*HER*: possibly
me: possibly
It's at least worth looking into
If I've got a migraine cure behind my teeth I think you'd want to know about it
*HER*: That's what the appointment is for tomorrow.
1:17 PM There's stuff that acts as lubricant and possibly estrogen cream to make things easier, less painful
but she'll want to check the plumbing
1:18 PM me: And that's the doctor you're seeing tomorrow?
*HER*: Sure, She does pelvic exams
me: ::running around screaming and banging into walls::
I thought you were going to the neurologist about migraines
1:19 PM *HER*: I did that YESTERDAY, partially
me: I thought that was the EMG
*HER*: but painful sex is common in fibromyalgia.
The doctor was there, so I asked her.
me: Painful /intercourse/
1:20 PM *HER*: Okay, painful intercourse. Sorry
me: Equating those two is one of the things that's hurting us
*HER*: ::nod:: sorry
*ME*, I'm juggling as much as I can
1:21 PM me: I'm sorry.
I'm getting all worked up over this
*HER*: I have to get out of pain, I have to get unfogged, I have to be able to walk, I have to keep house, I have to get back to work...
1:22 PM notice that all of these things are not getting doen.
me: They're certainly not all going to get done at the same time

GRAAAAH! What the fuck!? Is this crazy or what???

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Percocet, marvelous percocet

Peace in the valley, at last. She's much easier to live with when she's not in agony.

I'm not happy per se, that she's drugged up, but there you go. She has promised to ration her meds better in the future.

Her GP has put her on B12 supplements and thyroid medication; given that B12 and thyroid insufficiencies can cause fatigue, depression, etc. I'm all for both treatments.

We're on track, as far as I can see, to be significantly improved by July.

So... here's hoping.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Pain meds

Okay, she's on her way to the pharmacy to get a new set of pain meds.

Fucker put her through a fifteen minute tirade first.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Welcome to the rollercoaster

She's sleeping on the recliner again.

Appointment with the fucking pain specialist on monday.

Pray for us.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Pain Meds, Part Two

My initial reactions were in error.

The pain has gotten steadily worse, to the point now that she cannot get out of her recliner without a cane, and then can hardly move.

The doctor refuses to talk to her on the phone, return her phone calls or emails. He is not recommending that she come in for a consultation. The only questions he will answer are "No, I won't prescribe more medication today" and "No, I'm not firing you as a patient."

The doctor has not said if or when he will prescribe medication again, he has not said what she is to do about her increasing pain or her increasing disability as a result of it. He's being a complete and total shit. If he has some reason for denying her medication, he has the responsibility, no, the DUTY to tell her what's going on.

She's becoming increasingly irritable, depressed, and desperate. We are on track to completely derail our honeymoon plans. If this is still going on next month, I am going to cancel our reservations; there's no point if she can't climb the stairs to the room.

This is, of course, making me more depressed, anxious, and upset, and the kids are likewise getting into the act. I'm trying to maintain a calm demeanor but it's becoming harder and harder.

I'm back in hell.