Saturday, June 14, 2008

Jealousy

As an erotica author, I feel it's important to depict sexuality accurately. I want to know what people are doing, especially when it comes to unusual circumstances; kink, polyamory, etcetera. As a result I have come in contact with many people who are having lots more sex than I am, and are public about it.

There's always a twinge of jealousy. I feel like I deserve a better situation, when it comes to sex. It's selfish, it's petty, and I'm not proud of them, but those feelings are there.

Recently, I learned that a friend of mine left her husband and children because her relationship with her husband wasn't satisfying to her, in many ways including sexually. I can't imagine what could possibly happen to make ME do that. Maybe the difference is that her husband is, physically at least, able-bodied.

I try very hard not to let those petty jealousies color my relationships. I don't want to be protected from knowing about other folks sex lives, I don't want to dive back into that coccoon that allowed me to stay blissfully ignorant of all the wonderful experiences people are having out there. Life hurts, but it hurts because I choose it to hurt.

1 comment:

Lin said...

What a fascinating blog. I just tuned in and have been reading your back-posts. Ok, you say you're not brave, etc., but I think it is brave to explore your "life" as you're doing online with all of us to silently hear. I will keep tuned in...