Finally got back to the therapist on saturday. There are things I just can't say without Kathy there to mediate, and it got a bit rocky there.
I was hard on her. She's been doing things to improve her health and preparation for a physical relationship, and told me about them, and I ignored them. I should have recognized their value.
At the same time, you can't spend all the time in preparation. Even if there are things she needs to do be ready for the kind of sex she wants to have, we shouldn't be sleeping in different beds (she's on the couch 19 nights out of 20 these days) and having no physical contact at all. Which is how things are, and it sucks.
We agreed, at the therapist, to have some kind of contact yesterday, Sunday. She spent the day in bed, and I felt like a rat reminding her of what she had agreed to. I don't like nagging about this. I don't like always always always being the one to start these conversations.
We've got another appointment next month. I'm feeling quite discouraged.
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My wife is disabled. Much of the time, there isn't enough space between the pain and drugged insensibility for loving sex. This blog is a diary of our journey. Or just a place to shout. This will not likely entertain you. For that, see my links.
4 comments:
Hi Nobilis:
Your entry was poignant to me, when you said:
"I felt like a rat reminding her of what she had agreed to. I don't like nagging about this. I don't like always always always being the one to start these conversations."
I remember how it was with my first wife. Eventually fatigue had its way for her, and I gave up. I felt as you did, my friend, I did not want to always be the one to have to make the approaches. It's a big problem for well spouses, and I don't really have an answer.
I wish you luck; but I urge you not to butt your head against this stone wall for too long... we are always having to adapt... Best, Richard A. http://wellspouse.org
Wow... I definitely didn't realize you had this going on. I guess there were suggestions in your writing. I've got something similar here at home. This blog entry was like you were reading my mail. TerminusVox.
Sometime I wonder that when we read the painful stories of others then only we realize that the pain we are going ourselves may not be that painful at all. I am much younger to you and face lots of problem in marital life but having read your whole blog in single go, I have got some strength to endure my own dull life.
Harmony:
"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy."
--Spider Robinson, Callahan and Company, 1988
Don't be afraid to share your joys and pains. It's the best thing you can do.
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