Thursday, April 20, 2006

A change is coming.

I find my thoughts drawn to the idea that my relationship with my wife has to change. We can't keep going on as we have been.

I am losing hope that she will ever be any healthier than she is now, that we will ever have sex again.

So I have a choice.

One, a life of celibate devotion.
Two, secret affairs, probably via the internet, with an eventual discovery on her part and all the pain and betrayal that entails.
Three, somehow convince her that pursuing discreet, online sexual encounters outside of our marriage doesn't mean I don't love her and doesn't mean I'm going to leave her.
Four, end the relationship.

Options two and four are unacceptable. I refuse.

Option one is where I am now, and is becoming harder and harder to bear.

I can't figure out how to broach option three without causing her even more pain, perhaps more than SHE can bear.

I'm trapped in a cage with three doors, all of which are booby-trapped.

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