In the Shadow of Pain

I kneel outside the gates.
How long have I waited?

The snow has covered my boots.
It drifts about me like a shroud.
I feel icy needles in my fingers,
Clasped to my chest.
The gates will not open.

Sometimes, sometimes, I see
A ray of light from the tallest tower.
A person, a woman
In silhouette
She is there, waiting for me
The gates will not open.

An evil demon has taken the fortress.
Its name is Pain
And as much as I suffer without,
My love suffers worse within.
The gates will not open.

She screams, sometimes, from the windows.
She calls out my name
And bids me go, abandon my vigil
Or shouts imprecations
That somehow
I had summoned the demon
Pain
That binds her
Or bids me enter, and bathe her wounds.
The gates will not open.

I have been here so long,
I live here now.
This is my home.
In the shadow of Pain.
There are other places I could go.
But I would rather be here
And suffer
Than go somewhere else
And be numb.


This poem is about how I feel right now, tonight. It's not supposed to be about reality or relationships or anything else than just that... how I feel, right now.