Okay, I'm back. One word: Fuck.

I'm back.

It didn't go very well. I should have known. The worst part is, it's pretty much all my fault. I set myself up, and knocked myself down.

We arrived on saturday night full of hope and promise. The hot tub was wonderful. We fooled around a little, but we were too tired from the drive for anything, so we dried off and went in. We had a romantic dinner in our room, that I lovingly cooked for my lady wife. It was delicious. We went to bed around eleven, to be ready for the 8am wakeup for the 9am breakfast.

I was still awake at midnight.

I was still awake at 1am.

I was still awake at 2am.

I was still awake at 3am.

Some time between 3:30 and 4am, I fell asleep. I blame it on the novel I brought along - Kushiel's Avatar - I was in the very worst part of it (for those of you who read the book, when Phedre is "Death's Whore") and I'm sure it was disturbing me.

The next day, after breakfast, we retired to our room. We went back to the hot tub, fooled around a bit, and then decided to go out and do touristy stuff. We saw a local gallery, had a late lunch, and got back to the room around 4pm. Back in the hot tub. We started having sex, and I found it particularly unsatisfying... sex underwater sucks. So we dried off and went inside. I had lost my erection, and it just wouldn't come back.

Here I am... my wife is making herself available to me for the first time in however long, we have moved heaven and earth for it... and I come up impotent.

What a fucking joke.

I should have seen it coming. I had hung WAY too many hopes on this weekend.

The rest of the evening didn't go much better. We went out to dinner, came back, fooled around some more... still nothing. I couldn't get more than about a quarter of an erection, and not for more than a minute or two.

Then we started talking about it... and we both said things we really shouldn't have. I can't share what we said here... it wasn't an argument, but there were plenty of tears on both sides.

So we are left, hurting, wondering what happened, and wondering what to do next.

Fuck.